Single Parent in Lock Down: I See You

Lock-down Can Feel Like More Isolation Than You Can Bear.

Single Mum. You parent alone at the best of times. You look forward to respite that ‘Daddy’s house’ or a sleep-over with a family member or friend brings.

But that’s not possible right now.

Lock-down and self-isolation don’t just bring a fresh new challenge to single-parent families, but a deeper and harder burn to an ongoing challenge.

I always knew no matter how tough it was coping on my own, there was always the raft to swim to that was the fortnightly respite - a weekend at Daddy’s.

There was the school day when I could work, shop by myself or catch up on the cleaning without someone undoing my work within ten minutes.

Daddy is in lock-down too. He wants to be with his kids, but he can’t risk it. None of us can.

And there is no end in sight. No one knows when it will end.

Which leaves you, Single Mum all alone. No matter how many well-wishers or phone calls. No one else can do what you are doing right now.

But God is with you. He hears your prayers. He gives you strength when you have nothing more to give. When you don’t think you can bear to hear their little voices beg for any more snacks. When you just want five minutes peace.

You will find respite. It will not come as a night off, but there are pockets of relief if you look for them.

I have started getting up at dawn (4.30am) to do my work. Yesterday the birds were already awake. The sky was still dark but slowly daylight crept in until it was morning and time for my children to rise.

Those two hours of creative and intellectual work gave me enough energy to greet them with enthusiasm. I was ready, having filled my cup that little bit.

All parents have a mammoth task. That is clearer than ever in times of crisis.

Digging deeper into resources when you are stretched is hard. But when self-pity threatens to engulf me I have to be strict and not allow myself to be swept away by the emotion. It does not help matters.

I’m sure you have already proved to yourself that you are stronger. You have survived without certain things you thought you couldn’t live without. Making you feel all the more grateful for the things that you do have.

I admit I was a bit soft most of my life. Having children has been the gift of toughening me up. Lock-down continues this training.

Many years ago when I was as a student, I worked in the pot wash of a cafeteria that served the workers of a call centre.

It was a big room with a conveyor belt snaking around it carrying the mountains of dishes. The food scrapings went into a waste disposal unit. One day it backed up and there was mashed up sludgy old food in huge chunky puddles on the floor.

My co-worker, Janet, (who when not at work cared for her two elderly parents alone) just shrugged her shoulders and grabbed a mop saying, ‘The trials and tribulations of life.’ and got back to work.

Meanwhile, I was in a right fankle. No doubt with petted lip you could trip over and arms folded indignantly across my chest. Getting all worked up like a cat whose fur is combed the wrong way.

You can decide whose response was more effective.

On Tuesday, my kitchen sink was blocked. Unable to get a plumber, I calmly bailed out the water with a basin and disposed of it down the loo. Luckily a friend was kind enough to get me some drain unblocker which thankfully did the trick.

Already in my mind I was resolved to wash my clothes in the bathtub if need be, as a blocked kitchen sink would mean I couldn’t use the washing machine.

Janet would have been proud.

Nobody wants to be tried. But here we are.

Single mum you have to live in the moment and respond best you can, with the deep love that is in you. You may still long for respite, but understand it will be that brief hour before you collapse, exhausted into bed. It will be that first hot cup of coffee in the morning while the kids are still dozing sweetly.

Parenting is not a solo job. It takes a village.

So for that, Single Mum in lock-down, you are doing a bloody amazing job!