How to Know When the Time is Right to Get Back to Work.

I have been away from blogging for over a month. I lost the momentum as lock-down took hold and I was struggling to do everything: care for my two boys, cook and clean, do the laundry, stay sane. I mean safe.

So I decided to put my two boys first and give my self a break from the impossible task of trying to work and be a full-time lock-down single mum.

For one thing, the daily round of cooking, cleaning and laundry is a full-time job in itself. And were there always this many chores? When your day revolves around mealtimes there is a constant cycle of dishes being washed and put away then dragged out again, dirtied and piled in the sink for the next round.

And the dust! I suppose when we had places to be we could give the flat a rest from relentlessly messing it up, moving things, laying down dead skin cells and hair. Our flat has no chance to settle, constantly caught up in the rhythm of daily life.

Respite comes when we depart for our daily walk, but it won’t be long til we are back stirring it all up again.

So last week was mental health week. In fact I started writing this article last Tuesday after hearing the ‘Mental Health Minute’ on BBC Radio 6 Music.

Mental health is such a complicated subject. We hear people emphasising how important it is to ‘raise awareness,’ but how much urging from people like the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge will move a depressed person to pick up the phone and call a friend to say they are unhappy?

It is tough because when you feel fine it’s hard to imagine feeling down. And when you are down, a depressed mood can quickly spiral even further into the depths of despair. Even if the act of picking the phone would absolutely help, sometimes that step is too hard.

So I took hiatus from work - not out of depression, but a sense that I was heading for a meltdown if I tried to do it all. The more I worked, the more I had to depend on the electronic babysitter - TV, video games etc. And I was uncomfortable with that and my boys’ growing apathy towards real life in its glorious three dimensions.

So to coincide with my taking a screen break I gave my boys a screen fast: no interactive screens for 3 weeks.

It wasn’t strict for them, as they had some screen time at their Dad’s, but even still the absence of screens has brought calm to our rowdy household. They play better with their toys and each other; they have been more creative; we’ve had fewer tantrums and meltdowns (from kids and the grown-up).

I benefited from less (but not zero) screen time during the fast. I missed texting friends as much, but I phoned my mum more. I was relieved from anti-social media, which tends to overwhelm me with a general feeling of dissatisfaction. I don’t know why, but if I want to feel bummed out, I scroll my FB feed.

Avoiding social media means I may miss out sometimes, but I am trying to build better relationships with the people who matter to me so that when they have something to share they’ll let me know.

The screen fast also helped alleviate some RSI symptoms I’ve been having, so that was interesting.

Who knows where we will go from here - whether I continue with no video games and a bit of telly or we have some gaming time built in maybe a day a week. Screens are ubiquitous - I need them for work. But I believe that they are not as necessary as they’d (video games manufacturers, media outlets and software companies) have you believe. At least not for children whose brains are still developing.

Kids today are exposed to more electronic devices than ever and rates of ADHD and behavioural issues are on the rise, almost in lockstep.

We will not know the impact until this generation grows up.

Anyway I am not here on my soapbox telling you what to do, but I thought it was interesting that the end of our ‘fast’ segued nicely into mental health awareness week.

Admitting that you experience mental health issues is fraught with difficulties: there is the risk of being judged or misunderstood. Even if Prince William has confided in the nation that he finds parenting brings up ‘overwhelming’ emotions from having lost his mother. God love him.

Many of us still feel we ought to keep our troubles to ourselves.

I will admit though that the stress of lock-down gets to me: Lack of change, monotony of daily life at home, missing friends and family, worries about work, etc etc.

Last week for the first time I simply let myself sink into the cycle of depression. Ignoring my human emotional response and blithely keepin’ on had become stressful in itself.

So I allowed myself to feel gloomy, shed some tears. slowed right down. With screen fast over, me and the boys watched a movie, ‘Scooby Doo and Kiss: A Rock and Roll Mystery.’ It was like an assault on the senses but the kids loved it.

Then that evening I dragged myself and the boys out for a walk at 6pm.

We trudged along Inch Road, not much chatter between us. Then down at the Cobby - the riverside walk here in Kelso - by chance we met someone we knew, out with her little boy and their dog. We (socially distanced) chatted and the boys ran around and chased the dog. It was a joy to see them. The sun came out and she said, turning to me, “It was just as well we both waited until now to come out for a walk as we are getting the best of the weather now.”

In an instant my depression lifted like the dark clouds. I thought, ‘she’s right.’

There’s a time to retreat and hide when we feel a bit crap. to hide and hunker down. Go on and be depressed! don’t be ashamed to be human and respond with the appropriate emotions.

Then force yourself to come out of hibernation - even if you think you’re not ready. Who know’s? The sun might shine after all.

So here’s to your good mental health!